The director of
religious education at my parish recently made a
poignant observation. “First reconciliation seems
to have become somewhat of an orphaned sacrament,”
she said. “Yet this is the sacrament we should be
dressing up for.”
As parents, we have both the responsibility and
the blessing of helping our children understand
and appreciate this sacrament. What we do with it
can greatly affect our child’s spiritual welfare.
The first thing we need to do in the role of
parent/educator is to look at our own
understanding of the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
Just what do we personally believe about
confession? Do we see it as an intimate
interaction with Jesus Christ himself, or do we
see it as an embarrassing talk with a man behind a
grill? Do we search our hearts and make a contrite
confession of sins with a deep desire to change
our lives, or do we rattle off the same old litany
of offenses? Do we go to reconciliation out of
love or obligation? Do we even go?
Our attitudes and actions regarding confession are
important indicators as to how our children will
perceive this sacrament. It can be helpful to seek
out materials that teach about reconciliation and
study them from an adult perspective. Then, we
need to return to the sacrament ourselves and
discover how healthy and freeing it can be.
Many parents mistakenly prepare their child for
first reconciliation as if it were a one-time
event. This is the wrong approach. Just as we
anticipate our children receiving Eucharist
regularly once they’ve made their first Communion,
we should have the same expectation with
confession. It should be an ongoing part of our
spiritual development, an important source of
grace, nourishment, and growth as we face the
inevitable trials and temptations of life.
Let’s look honestly at the subject of forgiveness,
which is what reconciliation is all about –
receiving God’s freely given mercy and compassion.
What have our children learned about forgiveness
in our own families? Do they live in an
environment in which they feel comfortable
admitting when they make bad choices? Are they
taught that telling the truth is paramount and
that lying about a bad choice is always worse than
the bad choice itself? Are they recognized and
rewarded for telling the truth, perhaps with
lesser consequences? Are they encouraged to ask
for forgiveness, and is it given to them
mercifully and unconditionally? Are they taught to
forgive themselves and others? Do we, as parents,
admit our own wrongs and seek forgiveness from our
children?
When children are raised with an awareness that
everyone, including Mom and Dad, make bad choices,
when they are made accountable for their actions
with calm, firm and consistent discipline, and
when they experience genuine forgiveness and
healing between family members, they will be more
apt to approach the Sacrament of Reconciliation
with confidence, courage, and even longing. For
these children, it’s a natural transition.
Talk to your child often about his or her
understanding of penance and answer questions and
concerns as they arise. If you don’t know the
answer, find a teacher or a priest who can help.
Together with your child, choose a priest who can
make the experience all the more special, and be
sure to make the day a celebration – because it
is!
When we exhibit the same energy and enthusiasm
about first reconciliation that we do for first
communion, we are doubly blessed. My husband and I
use the following example with our own children.
If we learned that Our Lord and Savior were coming
to our home for a visit this afternoon, wouldn’t
we first of all want to be there? Wouldn’t we give
some thought as to how we are dressed? Perhaps
straighten up the house a bit and even prepare a
little snack in welcome? After all, we would do at
least this much if we knew a friend or relative
was dropping by. In a similar way, the Sacrament
of Reconciliation is the perfect preparation to
cleanse and heal us spiritually, making our hearts
and souls all the more ready to welcome the most
special guest of all: Jesus Christ.
Published in Catholic Parent, March/April 2005
Elizabeth Ficocelli
is a Catholic author who writes for children and
adults.
For more information, visit
www.elizabethficocelli.com
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